Breaking the Myth “It doesn’t matter where you’re going, it’s who you have beside you” with Our Basic Senses
Have you ever heard this quote? I’m sure you did. Growing up, I was suffocated with seemingly wise words put inside quotation marks. But almost none of them makes sense to me. Most quotes are delusional and lazy as they were not always put in a proper context. And this one bothers me.
I grew up in Indonesia, where we were told that it is a tropical paradise with abundant resources and, therefore, I should be grateful. And I did. However, it did not feel right. Because if you ask my feelings, the first time I ever felt happy was when I was 21. I was volunteering in a village in Thailand. Somewhere that I ended up by coincidence, without thinking too bright. Then from there, I have been on a journey of curiosity in finding “where is the best place to live? “
So began my thought, it does matter where you are. I was in Thailand, particularly in Sukhothai, and I did not speak the language and knew nobody. Technically I was all by myself, but somehow the place made me happy. Not the first few days, but after a while, I noticed how numbing it was living in my hometown, or perhaps most big cities in the world. I have to admit that the people around me mattered, but I also felt it was more than that.
In places that seem very busy all the time or in a culture where people seem to be very friendly and connected, I realise we forget about our sense of self. We forgot our needs. We forgot about ourselves. We forgot that the transformation of society is not balanced with our own evolution as a person. Often, we perform our tasks in autopilot mode while compartmentalising many parts of ourselves.
As a neurodiverse, I experience heightened biological senses. And in today’s writing, I want to isolate it from the perspective of our six basic senses. (Yes six!)
This is not a research paper, and not that any research is universally valid. (Remember, Lobotomy was given a Nobel prize!) And I am always happy to be proven wrong.
So here are some of the considerations in determining the best place to live.
Sight:
The intrusive nature of bright lights. Yes, it is true, sunlight is essential. But too much of it might not be great as well. I can bore you with the nervous system’s reaction, but too much sunlight might make you feel too activated. We associate light with being active. So, once the light is out, most people are not used to it, and people don’t like what they feel. Therefore, we keep developing the city that never sleeps, with plenty of neon lights, because most people don’t like their thoughts when the lights are gone. This might be because of our ancient limbic brain that associates darkness with insecurities or perhaps because we are not used to it. So, most of the time, I find both natural and artificial lights act as a buffer to our deep intrusive thoughts.
Taste:
Growing up in a developing country, we were invaded with western junk food without any knowledge of nutrition. Like other kids, I was obese, though not very much, thankfully. We ate food based on our primitive understanding of taste: sugary food, fatty food, simple carbs. As long as it tastes good, it is good to eat. While this understanding was great in our palaeolithic era, this is not useful anymore. We need to be very in touch with our souls, to know which food is good. Even being vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free, or whatever is not always great because it is more complicated. It is very tough to know which diet is good for our body because the industry tricks us with unethical research for junk foods and propaganda such as ‘breakfast is the most important meal of the day’, but then let’s dissect this quote for another time. Some foods are designed to numb our feelings, brains, and emotions; therefore, it is important to be surrounded by a culture with less junk food (if only they existed).
So, therefore, I experiment with my diet all the time. I created a control group of food and a little variable every day. On different days, in different moods, and different seasons, I eat diverse food. It is not perfect, but then I’m always getting better. And, of course, I try to avoid all types of edibles that numb my senses. This includes almost any drugs, including psychoactive, alcohol, spicy food, deep-fried food, etc. But you know, you gotta live a little, once in a while, that’s fine. And, of course, sometimes I relapse, especially when I’m feeling very low.
Hearing:
What we hear will affect our actions and emotions. It is rare these days to acquire our full range of hearing. Silence is a privilege. Well, not complete silence, nobody wants that. Maybe the sound of nature without human intervention. However, not everyone is able to gain access to the sound of nature. I don’t think Jakarta has a place where I can have this. There will always be too much noise if you go to a park, whether it is noise from other people, cars, or constructions. Usually, somewhere by the water is nice as they absorb the noise.
Humans have the tendency to wonder, to fill in the blank. When there is not enough stimulation, especially sound, we start to make one in our head. And neurotypicals call it schizoid. And if you are not used to it, you will not like what you feel and what you hear. So, therefore, again, we design the city that never sleeps. We use our AirPods, earphones, speakers, et cetera. Music is important to put us back in touch with all of our emotions, but I believe it is only there to guide us, not for us to be dependent on it.
In my situation, I find that our bedroom or house or workplace will provide the most auditory information on a daily basis. I’ve been moving to so many bedrooms, and I find it important to determine the right surface of my walls and ceiling and floor. I find some housings are very rough. Putting just hard concrete slabs, bricks, and hard flooring on all six surfaces creates a cold sounding echo. Plus, it is not sustainable, energy-wise. And sometimes, I feel it is better to live outside than live in a ‘cold’ space like that.
And if you hear the silence, it might give some sense of anxiety. Therefore, having proper insulation installed, soundproofing, and weatherproofing is very important to a certain extent.
So yes, choosing the level of noise pollution is important. And I know it is not always possible, but I always do my own DIY proofing at home as much as possible. So, whenever I got triggered by noise outside, I could always go home and have my safe space.
Touch:
This is probably something that I find it hard. In my conservative country, touching other people is taboo. However, when we are deprived of touch, we feel anxious and unsafe and scared. Of course, it is important to be touched by the right people. Like the other senses, some touch makes you feel safe, and vice versa. And there are many forms of touch, from handshakes to sexual intimacy.
Because of inaccessibility to touch, some people get alternatives like dogs, which is perhaps fine. I don’t know. I’m still conflicted with the idea of putting animals in a cage on a leash. So, I have no say about this now. I didn’t even visit the zoo that much in the past. Especially, animals in Jakarta are very sad and anxious. They were put in tiny cages without the owners walking them out. And therefore, they become malicious.
Another form of touch is our ability to sense the environment. I find myself very sensitive to the temperature and humidity. A certain level of humidity and temperature put me in my best clear mind. There is no specific number because I acclimatise too. But mostly, I need to adapt to the weather slowly. Therefore, things like the air conditioner are not working well for my brain as it causes an abrupt change in the temperature.
So, the weather affects us. And no, sunny weather is not a paradise. I find that idea as more propaganda. Balanced weather is probably the ideal place to live. You need the rain as much as you need the sun.
Scent:
This part is probably something that is beyond my understanding now. I use this sense the least. I have been training my sensory on this. However, I find it the most difficult because we don’t use it as much as visual persons. It might be something that I need to consult with an able person. Anyway, it is self-explanatory for now, some scents can put you in a different kind of emotion. It depends on your association with it.
I love the scent of morning dew and when it is just about to rain. The smell of natural condensation on leaves gives me a sense of hope.
Extrasensory
Beyond those senses, some things drive your sense of home (peace). Everyone has it. Extrasensory is affected by our genetics and our knowledge. Genetics contains a lot of historical information, and so does language, and then the superficial knowledge on top of it. Our extrasensory will grow stronger as we grow up, especially if we acquire diverse knowledge in life.
Overall, there are micro conditions and macro conditions. While the micro conditions are mainly about your bubble (where you live and go day to day), the macro conditions are about the city in general. Some cities feel more homogenous in their suburbs, and some are more segregated and diverse.
It takes a bit of privilege to be able to choose where you live. But then also, it takes much courage. And luck. And hard work. Knowing that not everyone can do as much research as I do, I always love to share.
So, it does matter where you live because it will affect your day-to-day emotions and state of mind.
And it does matter, too, the people around you.
So back to the big question, where should I live?
Well, I guess, I have not decided. For now, the answer is dynamic, and it will always be. There is no universal solution for this. I think it will change a lot initially. But I believe it does matter where you live because where you live will affect your state of mind. And your state of mind will attract the people you want to be part of your life.
And there is a truth in the following quote, “Home is where your heart is.” So, always bring your heart with you, wherever you go.
K
